Baby's Sleep: The Highs and The Lows


Scene #1: You put your 9 month old baby to sleep, just like you've been doing all along, but she wakes up an hour later screaming her head off. You pick her up, check if she's hungry (she's not), and rock her back to sleep. When you put her back into her crib, she starts crying again. This goes on for hours (if not for the whole night). You are tired, confused, frustrated, and annoyed. Although you have changed nothing in her bed-time routine, your once perfect sleeper now wakes up all night long.

Scene #2: You recently moved to a new house (or you went on vacation with your baby, left your baby with a sitter over night, or your baby is making a developmental leap, or is making a transition in some aspect of his/her life), and ever since, your baby hates to sleep. The sight of his crib alone makes him cry, and when you put him in it he screams bloody murder. At night your baby cries until you pick him up and take him into bed with you. Once there, all he wants to do is play. You are up with your baby until at least 3AM (or worse!); you are beside yourself with exhaustion, frustration and the weepy mom blues.

What's a new mom to do?

Although the "experts" say that a 4 month old baby can sleep through the night (meaning 8 hours), whether or not they will is a different story. Most babies have high and low points on their path towards consistently sleeping through the night. The first step towards dealing with your baby's night time wakings and/or inability to fall asleep is to accept this disheartening fact:

You can never depend on your child to sleep through the night. S/he may do it for a day, a week or a month (or more), but at some point s/he will wake up or resist going to sleep again.

Acceptance of this hard truth goes a long way in the maintenance of mommy sanity. Although you may feel tired much of the time, you can feel assured that your baby's night time wakings and/or inability to fall asleep is not only normal, but to be expected. Just like adults, when baby's mind is whirling with some event, upset or achievement, or when baby is feeling physically ill or uncomfortable, his/her sleep will be affected.

Tip #1: Expect your baby to have periods during which s/he can't fall or stay asleep.

If your baby used to fall asleep on his/her own and to sleep through the night like an angel, you can be sure that s/he'll do so again. Your goal is to support your baby while s/he goes through this restless period so that you can both get the sleep you need.

To do this, put yourself in your baby's shoes to determine what's going on.

Reasons for sleep disturbance include, but are not limited to:

  • A change in routine.
  • A change of room or bed.
  • Loss of blanket or stuffed animal.
  • Taking a trip away from home.
  • Sickness (yours or baby's).
  • Teething or any other physical discomfort.
  • Being left with a sitter while parents are out of town.
  • Parental stress.
  • Learning a new skill (walking, crawling, standing, etc.).
  • Achieving a developmental leap.
  • Separation anxiety (peaks between 8 and 12 months, but can occur at 3-4 months).
  • Dreams (start between 12 and 14 months).
  • Fears.


    • Tip #2: Use your baby's sleep disturbance as an opportunity for you to learn more about your baby -- about what keeps him/her up at night. The information you gain can help you to figure out ways to get your baby to sleep.

    Getting your child to fall, and to stay, asleep through the ups and downs of his/her life is a long term goal. Each time your child experiences something that results in a difficult night, s/he has the opportunity to learn -- little by little -- how to fall/stay asleep in spite of the difficult (exciting, scary, etc.) event.

    For example:

    If your baby is experiencing night-time separation anxiety, you have the opportunity to teach him/her that:

    - Mommy is always there in the morning.
    - Even though it's difficult, I (meaning your baby) can cope through the night.
    - My stuffed panda makes me feel better.

    Tip #3: Think of sleeping through the night as a long term goal, and of all the sleepless nights as opportunities to teach your child how to go to sleep, and to stay asleep, each night.

    Click here for tips on how to get your baby to sleep!


    Deal with your child's sleep issues in a more in depth way: Join me tomorrow at the Significant Self "Tele-Mommy" phone group!

    TOPIC: BABY'S SLEEP: THE METHOD'S THAT RIGHT FOR YOU

    Date: October 25th
    Time: 1:00 PM Eastern Standard Time
    Fee: free (except for the charge of the call).

    To register, email your name to claudia@significantself.com

    For more information about this group, click here!

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