You're dancing with the new guy in class. He's never danced with a partner before and thinks that his befuddling cues are necessary and right. You are ready for left foot back, only to realize that his left foot is moving you forward - you trip. He lifts his arm for you to spin when you are ready to dip - you fall. He gallivants towards the door, when you think it's time to leap towards the window - you are put out, frustrated and confused.

Who is this guy and how on earth are you going to teach him to dance?

The new guy is your baby and you're not going to teach him to dance; indeed, he's going to teach you to find your new rhythm and groove!

The Challenge

Many moms find it difficult to go from relationships in which they exert a certain measure of control -- with their work, colleagues, friends and partners -- to a relationship in which a pint sized human breaks all the rules. Babies cry even when held and soothed, they're hungry even if recently fed, they are awake even at 3 AM, and they like to suck, even when you're all sucked-out.

What's a mom to do?

Infants are highly capable individuals who are ready to shape, as well as to be shaped by, their parents. Moms who realize the vital part that their baby plays in shaping their early relationship can increase the satisfaction and ease of mommy-baby life.

Ask yourself:

If a baby is colicky or distressed, it's hard not to think you're doing something wrong. Yet babies are born with their own temperament and with their own ways of dealing with internal and external stress. Some babies turn to loud noises with interest, while others need to be talked to in soft tones; some babies startle easily and often, while others come into the world already comfortable and at ease. Babies who are premature or small for gestational age are often extremely sensitive to stimuli.

Remember: Your baby's temperament is out of your control.

Think of your baby's reactions to you and the environment as clues to his or her temperament, individuality and uniqueness. Some responses you probably cherish, while others are less desirable. If your baby is very different from what you expected (if s/he's colicky, high-strung or "too" low key), you may find it challenging to enjoy him or her fully.

Ask yourself:

The joy of observing and interpreting your baby's signals is the confidence you feel when you respond in appropriate and helpful ways to your baby's needs.

1. Return to the list of your baby's typical behaviors or responses.

2. Ask yourself: How can I respond appropriately to my baby's cues?


For example:

Behavior: He looks away when I try to play with him.
Response: Your baby may find your playing overly stimulating. He may need time in a dark and quiet place to feel more at ease.

Behavior: My baby turns away from sounds that are high pitched or loud.
Response: Learn your baby's "comfortable sound range" and create an environment which meets your baby's needs.

Behavior: When my baby is patted or bounced at a quick pace she becomes upset.
Response: Realize that your baby responds better to slow, rhythmic stroking and cuddling.

Behavior: My baby is upset for no apparent reason.
Response: Trial and error. It may be that your baby needs help controlling her internal and external states: often giving a baby something to suck on, containing a baby with your arms or a blanket, or stroking baby slowly and rhythmically helps.

Once you have taken these steps, you will have more clues about your baby's needs, style and personality. Your baby's cues give you the information you need to develop a comfortable rhythm and groove in your new life as a mom.

Sign-up for your free sample session today!

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