Jessica's Challenge / Question:
I have an incredibly intense, "high need", 4 month old boy, Jake. He needs constant holding, stimulation and entertainment, and he can't sleep for more than a couple of hours straight. He goes from a laugh to a cry in a flash, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Jake seems so miserable sometimes that I feel like I'm failing at motherhood. I have taken him to the doctor, but there is nothing wrong with him physically. I'm exhausted -- mentally, physically, and emotionally -- and feel like he's driving me insane. Can you offer some help?
"High Need" Baby 101:
Having a "high needs" baby can be incredibly challenging, yet it's important to remember that your baby's needs are determined by his inborn temperament and personality, not by you and your parenting technique. The first step in coping with your "high need" baby is to change your perspective about his neediness. Refrain from judging his traits as "good" or "bad". Keep in mind that the personality traits of your "high needs" baby may be difficult, yet are blessings too. Many of the traits that you have a hard time with now will help him thrive in the future: his strong and vocal personality, his sensitivity and endless energy, his need for human contact and interaction, his capacity for attachment and reliance: all will serve him well as he matures.
|
|
1. Don't take your baby's cries and moodiness personally:
Realize that you cannot 'fix' your baby or make him happy at will. His emotional ups and downs are part of who he is. Respect and appreciate your baby, without trying to change him.
2. Make your Self your priority:
Your "high needs" baby needs a mommy who refuels herself. If your baby requires constant holding, attention and care, take time out to care for yourself so that you have energy, patience, kisses, and hugs to give.
3. Create a support network:
Have people to whom you can talk and on whom you can rely in times of need.
4. Learn your baby's cues:
"High needs" babies are often acutely sensitive, but you may be able to protect your baby from disturbing stimuli.
Ask yourself:
Is my baby sensitive to bright lights?
How does he feel about being held by strangers (or by anyone other than me)?
Does he like (or dislike) being wrapped in a blanket?
Do loud noises bother him?
Are there certain foods to which he may be reacting (if you're breast feeding, might he be having a reaction to something you eat)?
Is there a look he gets just before he begins to cry?
5. Let go of the guilt:
You have not failed as a mother even if your baby cries and complains for most of the day. This is simply part of his personality.
6. Throw out the rule book:
"High needs" babies laugh in the face of schedules. They often like to be breastfed around the clock and, if they take a bottle, often need a pacifier to get through the day.
Remember: sucking for comfort is one of the earliest ways babies learn to self soothe, as it helps them to organize their biological systems.
Find a balance of breast/bottle feeding and pacifier/finger sucking that works for both you and your baby. Take care not to wear yourself out.
7. Accept that your baby may not sleep through the night for a while:
Because of their intense temperament, their need for physical contact and sucking, their sensitivity to stimuli, and their difficulty with transitions, most "high needs" babies have a hard time falling, and staying, asleep.
Take naps when baby does, and if he doesn't, have someone watch your baby so that you can get some sleep.
8. Keep expanding your bag of "comfort tricks", but let go of the notion that what worked yesterday will work again today.
Keep experimenting -- through trial and error -- with different ways to soothe your baby.
Tricks to try:
Bounce, rock, or walk baby, use a sling or another type of carrier, put baby on tummy/back/side, put baby in car seat, swing, bouncy seat or into bed with you, make skin to skin contact, sing a lullaby, bathe baby, nurse baby, give baby a pacifier, take him for a drive, dance with, or for, your child, etc.
9. Accept that:
Your day will be unpredictable: learn to go with the flow.
You will hold/bounce/walk with your baby a lot: get support so that you can take time out for yourself.
Your baby does not know how to self-soothe: he will learn with time and encouragement.
Your baby may want you most, if not all, of the time: try to take time away if you crave and/or need it, even if your baby protests.
10. Remember that this, too, is a phase!
________________________________________________________________
|
