Mother's Day - A Weekly Event

Mother's day is a state of mind, an awareness of what it means to you that you are a mother and of how you feel about your mothering. Like a birthday, it is a time for reflection and evaluation, a time to congratulate yourself for a job well done and for recognizing things that you want to change in your relationships with yourself, your baby and your partner (if you have one). Most of all it's a day to give to yourself -- the mother -- who works so hard and puts so much into her child.

A Once a Week Occurrence

Mother's day, in my book, comes at least once a week, and it is up to mothers to set aside part of a day each week (and, hopefully, some time each day) to replenish themselves emotionally, spiritually and physically. This does not mean being without your child for an entire day (although if that's what you feel like doing and can manage it, be my guest); it means carving out some time for yourself and doing something that feeds your being. For each woman, that thing will be different:

  • One will read a novel for an hour.
  • One will go for a massage.
  • One will take a long walk by herself.
  • One will have coffee with a friend.

    • It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you feel nourished emotionally, spiritually and physically when you're done.

    Your Baby's Point of View

    Your child will live through your absence, but s/he can't afford to have a mother who does not give to herself and replenish her supplies. Sometimes it's tough: your child cries when you leave; you have no money for childcare; you have to work or to do household chores while your baby sleeps. Yet giving to your baby without giving to yourself will eventually backfire: you will feel depleted, exhausted and perhaps resentful before long.

    Making Mother's Day Happen

    Realize that giving to yourself is the most precious gift that you can give to your baby.

    Remember that although you may feel that you don't have any time for yourself, time for yourself may be something you can create.

  • Can someone else take care of your child for a two-hour stretch of time?
  • Are you willing to spend time giving to yourself instead of doing chores while your baby naps?
  • How can you give to yourself even when your baby is present?

    • Recall what you love and miss and do it; if you don't have time to do the 'real thing', find a way to fit in the activity in an altered form:

    *If you love the opera, but can't get to a performance: listen to 'La Traviata' lying on your bed.
    *If you love exercising, but can't get to the gym: do a yoga video for 30 minutes.
    *If you miss chatting with your friends, but can't make it to lunch: have your friend come over for a chat.

    The options are endless; it's up to you to take charge and begin to replenish your Self.

    A Deeper Approach: Secrets for Lasting Change

    Take stock of your situation to see if you are taking too little time for yourself in your effort to be the perfect mom. Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel frazzled, exhausted, depleted or depressed?
  • Would I benefit from integrating activities that are just for me?
  • Am I (or my baby) paying a price for my attempt to 'do it all'?
  • What prevents me from taking time for myself?
  • Do I feel like I have enough time to reflect and to think about where I am?
  • Would I feel better if I spent some time alone, with my partner, or with adult friends?
  • Can I keep up this pace and still be a great mom?
  • Am I ready to make more time for me?

    • Once you've taken stock of the situation and feel that you would benefit from a weekly mother's day, here are some tips for lasting change:

      *Create a support network (which may include a paid babysitter, a partner, relatives or friends) who can cover for you on your weekly 'Mother's day'.
      *Figure out what activities most renew, recharge and reenergize your body, mind and soul.
      *Make a list of those activities and keep it handy.
      *Schedule a weekly appointment with yourself (confirm ahead of time with your sitter) to engage in your activity of choice.

    Every mother inevitably faces, to some degree, difficult choices about how to balance her need to give to herself by keeping aspects of her pre-baby life alive (her career, exercise routine, social life, etc.) with her desire to 'do it all' for her child. Yet in resolving this dilemma, most (if not all) of my clients have found that by scheduling in time for themselves -- time to take stock, rejuvenate, re-energize, and enjoy themselves -- they are more present for and available to their children.

    So try adopting mother's day as a weekly event and reap the benefits of being a mom who feels more energized, nourished and alive.

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    Copyright ©2005, 2009 Significant Self Claudia Heilbrunn
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