Your Haven: Far away and at Home
My Breathing Place

I went to the beach last week. Whenever I stand at the water's edge, I remember who I am. When I look out into the distance, and when I hear the waves and watch their ebb and flow, I am better able to breathe deeply and with ease. My place, my path and my true self become self-evident as the layers of striving and stress melt away. I return to this spot on the beach as often as I can. Here I experience the serenity and comfort that come with knowing that I am exactly who and where (in the larger sense) I want to be. Coming to this place helps me to accept myself and the varying aspects of my life.

What environment feeds your soul and nourishes who you are?

Moms need a place to which they can go (even if they go there only in their mind's eye) where they can connect with themselves and reflect on their lives, paths, feelings, needs and desires. Having a safe haven (one far away and one close to home) will enable you to meet yourself each and every day.


The Place: Far away

Exercise #1

To find your haven:

1. Create some time in your day during which you can be alone (while baby is sleeping or with a caregiver).
2. Go into a room in which you feel comfortable and close the door.
3. Wrap yourself in a blanket, dim the lights and light a candle (if you'd like) to help you to relax.
4. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for a couple of minutes.
5. Picture yourself in your ideal environment (Whatever comes to your mind automatically will do; if nothing comes to mind right away, don't worry: just relax and let images come).


Ask Yourself:

  • Is the sun shining or is it dark and shady?
  • Am I inside or outside?
  • Is it hot or cold?
  • What do I see (trees, desert, water, a particular room and decor)?
  • What sounds do I hear (birds, wind, water, nothing at all)?
  • Is there a particular smell that soothes me?


    • Open your eyes:

  • Is the place you visualized imaginary or real (a fantasized utopian beach or the beach you went to last summer; a vast desert landscape or the desert you visited in Arizona last year)?
  • If the place is imagined, what environment exists which comes close to your visualized ideal?
  • How can you make visiting this place a priority in your life?
  • How often can you visit it each year?
  • When feeling under the gun, can you visualize your ideal place to feel more serene and at ease?

    • The Place: Close to Home

    Exercise #2

    If your ideal place is very far away or a place that you cannot get to often, it is important to have a haven close to (or at) home where you can feed your soul and remember who you are. To find your close to home retreat:

    1. Think about some aspects of your ideal faraway place.
    2. Ask yourself: How can I re-create these aspects close to home?


    For example:

    My ideal place is the beach, but when in New York City (my home town) I keep myself near to or in water by taking baths and going swimming. With my head under the water, I listen to the sound of the water running from the faucet into the tub. It sounds like ocean waves. When I swim laps, my breathing becomes deep and easy, just as it does when I stand by the sea.

    Suggestions for creating your sacred place:

  • If you like the wilderness find a park nearby which has lots of trees and flowers.
  • If you enjoy the desert heat find a sauna in which you can spend some time.
  • If the cold, mountain air is your thing, how about a walk by the river?
  • If a dark and quiet wooded area fits your bill, a dark and quiet church might be nice (even if you're not religious).

    • You can also learn by trial and error what environments work magic on your soul.

    I often visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art -- something about the truths illustrated in the works of art helps me to breathe and to feel at ease.

    Here is a list of comforting havens that might work for you.

  • Your bathtub with or without a candle.
  • A quiet church or synagogue.
  • A corner of your favorite couch with a cozy blanket in which to wrap yourself.
  • Any vista on which you can look out.
  • A library.
  • A garden (inside or outside).
  • A quiet movie theater.
  • Your local park.
  • The river.
  • Busy streets.
  • Yoga class.

    • Having a haven to which you can go to connect with your Self and to see your life in perspective is essential for day to day serenity and well-being. Find your safe and special place and spend time in it: reap the benefits of coming together with yourself as often and as necessary as you can.

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    Copyright ©2005, 2009 Significant Self Claudia Heilbrunn
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